I had to go for car service today-the first freaking one, the free one. It was also another first for me, I drove more than 5 kms alone for the first time today.
All I feel like doing now, once I have reached the safe haven of home is to cry. Why am I such a loser in driving now- me who used to dream of driving SUVs and zipping past deserts -me who used to dream of being a pilot-me who used to compete with bullets on the way to college on a mere scooty- how did that me transform to this wreck of nerves now! How? How? How?
Thank God I didnt cry inside the car, as I tried to reverse my car out of the Al Futtaims service center. What a mess I made. Someone waited for me to park in my vacant spot and that lady just drove off...And then the Arab, wth his "Yallah" What the hell with being so rude. Its my life and its my car and its a free road, I will go as slow as I please, YOU HAVENT APPENDED THE LANES OF UAE TO YOUR FAMILY PROPERTY isnt it?
But forget about other people, its their momentary impatience. I can forgive them. WHat I cant forgive is myself. Where has that competitive, enthusaistic, energetic, bold, courageous, smart me gone? Why am I like this?
Can living with a man, who pampers you and lets you do nothing on your own make you this bad? Can domesticity make a wimp out of you? Is this what I wanted to be?
Why have I become like this? Main Aisa kyun ho gaya?
I want to be the old wind...the tempest I once was...the butterfly who fluttered...the strong bird that once flew around...I will not forget what Robin said once, when Srini was looking for me, "Daa Avidae parannu nadakunnundu"...in my electric blue crepe churidhar...the steps of EC, the corridors of a government college...the challenges I had for myself....the bold girl who drove the red scoty...dangerous...bad...fast...furious...electrifying...yet sweet...adorable...n lovable...
Where is she?
In heart I am still forever the 20 year old, who dreamt a lot, who wanted the first love to be the last one, who dared and wished to be dared..
But somewhere mazhya has lost the dreams on the way, lost her way itself...
Where is she?
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